Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
