That's intense
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize