im having a threesome with these popsicles
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
