I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
barbara walters just said penis...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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