Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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