ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
