I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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