dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
