so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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