His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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