Will you blow on my dice?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
