No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
