i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So. Much. Porn.
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