Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
