Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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