So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
