I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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