Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
