Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
