So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
