Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
