Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
