there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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