Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
