This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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