I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
