Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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