thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
