They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
