I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
