Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
