There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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