I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
"it" just moved
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
