who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
