cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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