Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
