i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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