Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize