We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
