why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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