So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
