sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
