I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
