And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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