Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
