Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
