The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
