Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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