Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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