i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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