I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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