but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fuck appropriateness.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
