We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
