Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
