First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
