This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
