I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
