I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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