Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
