I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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