I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize