Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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