Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
