i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
