My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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