Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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