...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
