Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
