Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
