just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
