That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
